JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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