i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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