Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
