Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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