Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
