I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
