I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
my liver is dry heaving
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
