Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
