Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
