good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
