I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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