And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
