We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
