She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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