You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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