I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
