his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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