Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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