I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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