I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
