I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
