yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
