I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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