I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
