is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
