my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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