I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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