So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
