i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
