I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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