One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
