Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
