even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Green mimosas i think yes
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
