as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
