True but thats because hes a fetus.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
