oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
