I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
