I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
