I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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