I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
