I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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