She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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