3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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