I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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