I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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