What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
