Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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