You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
