I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
