I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
