he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
